i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
