youre lurking in front of me
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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