i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
