yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
