We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize