Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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