Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
