So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
