My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
