So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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