Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
