he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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