is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Randomize
