I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
