whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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