So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize
