I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize