How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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