don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
