it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
