i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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