I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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