Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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