He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Randomize
