Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
