My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
