watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
