Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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