I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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