i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
