dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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