Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
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Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
