It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
