so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
