Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
