Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
