im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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