I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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