do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
