So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
