My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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