at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
