when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
