Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
