Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have tasted many bathrooms
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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