im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
