So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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