guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
