Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
