white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
