Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize