I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
