He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
