you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
