I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Shame - the story of my life.
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