He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
