I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
