I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
