Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The adults are the big ones right?
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