there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
