He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
