Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
