I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
