Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
