I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
