Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize