That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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