No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
