just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
