There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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