Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
