whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
