Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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