I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
