Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
