I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
