I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
