And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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