I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
