I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Randomize
