I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
