Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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