it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
