The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
