i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
