her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
