I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
