No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
