Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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