Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think people are normalizing furries
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
